“We didn’t know what we didn’t know. But we knew something wasn’t right.” – Tom Dau
Vicki & Tom Dau
Ssn1Ep3 ~ How Healing Sexual Trauma Helped Them Create Their Victorious Marriage
** Please note… sexual trauma will be discussed throughout this podcast. If this material triggers you in any way, please reach out for support and guidance from a qualified professional.
How does past sexual trauma impact a relationship?
Vicki didn’t relate her early experiences of sexual abuse with the difficulty she was having in her marriage. It wasn’t until she began investigating her struggles with weight that she became more aware of the impact her past was having on her present life in many ways.
Join Vicki and Tom Dau as they share their journey of helping Vicki heal, and the healing Tom experienced along the way as well.
In this episode, we will share:
- Transformation: the most important question Tom asked himself to initiate all the changes he made for his life
- The most difficult decision they have to make as a couple today
- The agreement that gives them unconditional comfort as a couple
- The mantras they rely on to unify them in a cohesive relationship
- What they discovered was blocking their intimacy (examples: Tom would put his arms around Vicki while she did the dishes and she’d “go through the roof”. During sex, Vicki was unable to stay present.)
- Why Vicki would gain weight back every time she lost it
- What Tom had to do to support her healing from sexual trauma
Vicki and Tom were married in 1987. After a few years, they felt close but had the nagging feeling something wasn’t right. They wondered why it took so much effort to make their marriage work, why Vicki felt a creepy crawly feeling when Tom tried to show physical affection, why Vicki’s temper would flare so quickly, and why Tom didn’t “just know what she needed."
They had tried the marital advice of other “experts” but it didn’t seem to work. They read books about intimacy, but it seemed harder and more complicated than what the books offered. They didn’t find anyone willing to talk about what really goes on “behind the bedroom door”, and they knew trendy magazines weren’t a reliable resource.
17 years into their marriage, Vicki’s repressed memories of sexual abuse began to surface and that’s when things began to make sense. They figured out they couldn’t just take the standard marital/self-development advice. They needed to work at the wedge in their relationship through the lens of a sexual abuse survivor.
And that’s when they started making real progress. They figured out basic things they needed to do that would get the fastest shifts and create the most ease, enjoyment and intimacy in their relationship.
They are uniquely qualified to help couples figure out what is needed in their marriages to break free from the past!
Useful Resources:
~ Their website: https://www.teamdau.com
~ The videos they mention:
- https://teamdau.com/for-the-husbands/
- https://teamdau.com/for-the-wives/
- https://teamdau.com/for-couples/
~ Women, join our free community, the Intentional Health Lab, where we engage in specific practices related to each podcast topic and expand the conversation in a more intimate setting: https://www.facebook.com/groups/intentionalhealthlab/
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